According to MY Rules

Wayne Galloway
05/15/14 - N/A

Series: Additional Studies

Introduction:

1.  Each of you has probably heard Frank Sinatra’s famous hit “I Did It My Way.” 2.  It was written by Paul Anka after sitting in on a session where Sinatra was talking with two Mob bosses and said he was quitting “the business.” 3.  The song was originally in French.  It was rewritten by Anka especially for Sinatra.  Anka read multiple articles where Sinatra repeatedly spoke of “my this” and “my that.”  It was reflective of what become known as the “me generation.” 4.  It has 5 verses.  I won’t share them all, but call attention to some of the sentiment. 5.  “And now the end is near; and so I face the final curtain.  My friend, I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case, of which I am certain.  I’ve lived a life that’s full; I’ve traveled each and every highway. 6.  The chorus:  And more, much more than this, I did it my way. 7.  Verse 2 reflects on the regrets.  Verse 3 says there were times when I bit off more than I could chew.  Verse 4 talks about his share of losing and tears and doing it all not in a shy way, but “I did it my way.” 8.  Verse 5 concludes:  For what is a man, what has he got, If not himself, then he has naught.  To say the things he truly feels; and not the words of one who kneels.  The record shows I took the blows and did it my way! 9.  The song reflects a life of regret, losing, tears and blows.  This persons life would have been different had he not insisted on doing it “MY Way.” 10.  I want to talk with you a few minutes about “Your Rules” and doing things “Your Way.”

Discussion:

I.  The rules you operate by tend to create your problems.

A.  I work with people and I attract problems.  That may be an unhealthy combination, but it is a learning experience.  One thing I have learned about people and their problems—the rules they operate by tend to create their problems.

B.  Here is an example that I read about the other day.

A woman in her 40’s—she is nice looking, smart, successful.  But not married.  Just can’t find the right way.  “All the good ones are already taken,” she says.  She explains that her friends have found their soul-mates and it just isn’t fair that she can’t. “Look at me,” she said.  “I take care of myself.  I’ve tried.  Why is this so hard?’ How about that guy over there?  He keeps looking at you. “Not my type!” How do you know? “I just do.” Have you tried . . . a dating site? “I would never date someone I met online!” What if you transferred to another city?  Your company has offices all over. “What and leave here?  I am not going to do that!” What about moving across town?  Meet some new people.  Visit some new places. “Why would I do that?”  Are you crazy?” Interesting thing about conversations like this—the more options you present the more explanations you receive as to why it won’t work.  Additionally the person may become angry with you break down in tears and exclaim, “You just don’t understand!” Here’s the deal—This woman doesn’t want a man.  She has her rules.  She wants a soul-mate. She wants one that is her type.  She will not date someone she learns about on-line.  She refuses to transfer to another city.  She considers it crazy to move across town. Do you understand why she is stuck?

C.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I am all for RULES.  Scripture has a lot of them, but RULES limit options and if you are stuck maybe you should consider the rules that you are operating by. You are probably standing in your own way.

II.  Are the rules you are operating under biblical principles or merely personal rules?

A.  Biblical principles are absolute; personal rules can be flexible.

B.  People sometimes confuse their personal rules with what is right and wrong.

1.  God defines what is right and wrong.  You do not.  Your family does not.  The government does not.

2.  You have your rules.  Your family has rules.  The government has rules.  But only God defines what is sinful.

3.  People sometimes insist on their rules and make them equal to the Lord’s (ex. Matt. 15:1ff).

4.  The Jews had their rule about circumcision (ex. Acts 15:1ff).

III.  It is appropriate for us to exercise flexibility in matters of personal rules.

A.  This is what Paul is discussing in 1 Cor. 8-9 and Rom. 14-15.

B.  Do not misunderstand.  You should have personal rules, but your personal rules do not have to be my personal rules and my personal rules do not have to be the same as your personal rules.

C.  In marriage personal rules often result in conflict, dissatisfaction, anger and even divorce.

1.  We all have our expectations.

2.  Sometimes they are unspoken and sometimes outside of our immediate awareness. Illustration of breakfast at 6 a.m.  The day after our honeymoon I learned that Phyllis did not have that rule.

3.  The right way for the toilet paper to roll off is from the top of the roll.  For many years we had no toilet paper dispenser.  We were flexible and simply stood it on the end. Then Phyllis’ dad came to visit—His rule was to have a dispenser.  He observed, “You don’t have a dispenser.”  Bought us one and sent it to us.

D.  Same in other relationships. Christian couple moved next door to us.  The husband became mad at me, every time he saw Phyllis mowing grass.  His rule—“Women (wife) don’t mow grass.”  He was very direct and spoke sharply to me.  I told him Phyllis liked to mow grass.  Even now she views it as recreational.  I view it as my job and to be completed.  She mows occasionally and stops when she wants.

IV.  Sometimes we are rigid in our personal rules and flexible in relation to the principles of God.

A.  This is what the Pharisees and scribes were doing in Matt. 15.

B.  In marriage—“Well I’m just not going to bring him something to drink when he can get it himself.”   And yet she commits adultery with someone else.

C.  In the church.

1.  Does the church operate within my personal rules?  Does it live up to my expectations?

2.  Contra. Does it teach the truth?

V.  Some personal rules may need to be held rigidly, others not so much (1 Cor. 8-9; Rom. 14-15).  I hold to my personal rules with varying degrees of rigidity.  Ex.  My teenagers need to be home at a reasonable hour.  That time may be variable and flexible based upon the circumstances.

A.  In matters where we are at liberty we need to be careful about “digging in our heels.”

B.  We must be sensitive to how our personal rules affect our relationships with others.

C.  When we start demanding it stresses our relationships.  Too rigid and children become exasperated (Col. 3:21) and/or provoked to anger (Eph. 6:4).

D.  Flexibility is necessary in order for relationships to be successful.  This is described as “love” in 1 Cor. 8:1.

E.  Some see flexibility as capitulation.  Described proverbially as becoming a door mat (female) or a hen-picked husband (in the case of a male).  Flexibility is not capitulation.  The Lord is flexible but not milquetoast.  He doesn’t ignore our sin, nor give up His rules.

VI.  Everything we have discussed is founded upon God’s relationship with us.

A.  Even though there are absolute rules that govern our relationship with God there is flexibility.

B.  Grace is the word in Scripture that describes this flexibility.

C.  Forgiveness by bearing up under the violations is the biblical model.

1.  God bore the consequences of our violations.

2.  He treated us kindly anyway.

3.  But being flexible involves self-sacrifice.

Conclusion:

1.  Insisting on doing things “Your Way” will get you stuck.   More power will get you stuck deeper. 2.  Hold rigidly to biblical principle. 3.  Allow flexibility in your personal rules. 4.  This shows respect and love in your relationships with others. 5.  This is what the Lord has shown you.